When it comes to relationships, there are no rules, everyone is different. This does not change when it comes to separation. If some people decide to completely cut off their ex from their lives, others are less intransigent! For those, keeping in touch with the person who shared their lives is not a problem. On the contrary, some even go as far as being friends. But in reality, is friendship after love really realistic and possible? What questions should you ask yourself before becoming friends with your ex?
When we have lived a love story and it ends, we rarely think of befriending the person we loved or that we still love. Even more so when we are not the cause of the breakup. However, in some cases, some couples decide to move from love to friendship. Although this is theoretically possible, it is not a friendship « like any other » and things are not so obvious in practice. Before making this choice, it is therefore good to take stock of certain aspects.
The steps
First of all, it is necessary to have a lot of discernment and distance. Be honest with yourself and take stock of your feelings about your former partner. It goes without saying that if there is still love in the air, friendship is not an option. You risk hurting yourself and putting the brakes on your love life. Be totally sure you’ve moved on (you and your ex since this is about both of you), to do this, take a step back to be clear about how you feel…or not!
If your breakup ended really badly, there is resentment, a desire for revenge or hurt, this is not a good basis for a friendship. If you intend to remain friends, you will have to make an effort to overcome these negative feelings. You will also have to sincerely forgive this ex who has most likely hurt you. Only then can you consider becoming friends with your ex.
Sex-friend?
Also, you have to take into account the fact that you were attracted to this person at one time or another. So you might think that staying friends with someone you are or have been attracted to is like playing with fire.
If things are not clear on both sides, there is no point in taking that risk. Unless you want a « sex friend » but that’s another debate! If you don’t feel that way, it’s best to limit temptations.
Finally, whatever your final choice, your friendship with your ex should not interfere with your future/new love life! This friendship should not be a hindrance to your development. If it is the case, it is probably a sign that it has taken up too much space and that there are perhaps some feelings still buried…
